the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
The ass gains better be worth it
Randomize
