Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
Randomize
