i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Randomize
