the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
How was Slumdog? Did it pull your heartstrings?
It was entertaining. Better than most other Mexican films.
Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
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