I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
