I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
Randomize
