haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
