I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
Randomize
