I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
Randomize
