I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
Randomize
