am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
i mean i'm ok with bufu but if i'm gonna do it it needs to be a mutual agreement, and there are steps that need to be taken. you don't just go OOPS we're doing it now
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
Randomize
