I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
I wish you could order shots online.
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Randomize
