Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
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