Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
Randomize
