hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
P.S. I can't hear my feet
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
Randomize
