whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
Randomize
