So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
