Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
you didnt know i had herpes?
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
