I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
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