My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Randomize
