It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
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