dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
Randomize
