thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
Randomize
