hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
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