She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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