If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Randomize
