I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
