maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
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