So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
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