Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
Randomize
