Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
