Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
