but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
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