did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
Randomize
