It's like God shit irony all over that family
I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
Randomize
