My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
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