I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
Randomize
