You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
Randomize
