Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
Randomize
