wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
Randomize
