I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
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