Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Randomize
