my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
and she was petting her beer can
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
Randomize
