I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
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