Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
go do what you do best...puke behind churches
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
Randomize
