I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
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