I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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