hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
where are my eyebrows?
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
Randomize
