I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
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