I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
Sext me about skeletons
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
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