there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
Randomize
