I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
sick fucks of a feather flock together
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
Randomize
