Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
I need moral support for this bender
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Randomize
