I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
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