I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
